Townhouse Rude Q&A

This is long overdue. At work we have these things called Rude Q&A’s whenever there is a topic or issue that people have a lot of concern and dialogue about. The Rude Q&A is designed to cover every question that might be asked on a given topic, from simple, to complex all the way through asinine. Here is the Rude Q&A on my townhouse ownership status because I am seriously tired of telling the same sorry over and over again. So, if you ask me a question you are going to get referred to this FAQ—sorry I just don’t have the energy to talk right now.

General:

#1
Q: So you bought a townhouse? What the deal with that?
A: Yes, I bought a townhouse in Williamsburg. It was much cheaper that anyone in NYC might assume but more expense than most out of town-ers would have imagined. That is NYC real estate for ya.

#2
Q: Wait, so you moved to Virginia?
A: Yes, I now live in Colonial Williamsburg. I am currently wearing a powdered wig and churning butter. I better be good or else they will put me in the stocks. No, dumbass! Williamsburg is one of the most northwestern neighborhoods in Brooklyn, right over the river from Manhattan and just below Queens.

#3
Q: So you are Hassidic now?
A: Um. Uh. No. Southern Williamsburg has a very large Hassidic population, but I am closer to the north side which is all the hipsters are.

#4
Q: What’s a hipster?
A: This is actually a good question. Generally they are artistic types who can’t afford the rent in Manhattan. They usually shop in thrift stores and have lots of tattoos, piercings and/or funny colored hair. If you really want more info you can check out the Hipster Handbook

#5
Q: Williamsburg is quite a mouthful. Are there any clever abbreviations for your neighborhood that I can use to make myself seem cooler?
A: I have heard the following so far: w’burg, Billyburg, the Burg, Hipsterville. Use at your own risk.

House Info:

#6
Q: Okay so where exactly is your house again?
A: It’s on Conselyea Street (pronounced con-SILL-yay) between Lorimer and Leonard. Conselyea is one block north of Metropolitan. It’s about 1 block from the Lorimer Street stop on the L train.

#7
Q: Okay, gimme details about your house!
A: Okay, it’s a 4 story wood frame townhouse located on a pretty little tree lined block. Each floor is about 800 square feet and currently each floor is its own apartment. There is also a full unfinished basement currently used only for utilities. There is a large backyard that is currently only accessible via the ground floor apartment. The apt numbering scheme is as follows: G—ground floor (entrance from door below steps), 1—first floor (entrance up front steps), 2—second floor (one flight up) and 3—third floor (two flights up)

#8
Q: Wow that’s confusing. Why not 1, 2, 3 and 4?
A: Quit your whining and just stay with me here, okay?

#9
Q:  So you own a house but it’s actually a 4 apt building?
A:  Technically it’s a 3 family house, but a previous owner created the illegal basement apt.  So yes, 4 apartments right now. 

Illegal Tenants:

#10
Q:  Wow why did you buy a place that was set up illegally?  What are you some kind of masochist?
A:  Well, the world of NYC real estate is fast moving and expensive.  We lost two other properties before bidding on this one, but those 2 were both more expensive and in less desirable neighborhoods.  We figured the illegal apartment hassle was made up for by the location and price. 

#11
Q:  So what do you do about an illegal tenant?
A:  Well we asked them to leave nicely.  But they weren’t very nice people.  They tried to extort 8,000 from us and when we refused they threatened us and decided to make our lives a living hell.  We filed Ejectment paperwork against them and went to court which was a long, arduous process.  After they exploited the legal system for a few months worth of extensions, they were finally given until April 30th, 2005 to vacate. 

#12
Q:  What the crap?  Why did they get so long before having to leave?
A:  Well the courts frown upon landlords creating illegal apartments in the first place, so they make it very difficult for you to get your illegal tenants out when you decide you don’t want them anymore.

#13
Q:  But that makes no sense!  You didn’t create the illegal apartment.  You were trying to set things right.  Why are they punishing you?
A:  Well in all fairness, the laws are there to protect innocent tenants from awful, greedy landlords, which is much more common than our situation.

#14
Q:  So why couldn’t you just explain the whole situation to the judge and plead your case and get a ruling that made more sense for your situation!
A:  Ha!  You’ve obviously never been to court.  Our legal system is more fucked up than I have time to chronicle here.  Moving on…

#15:
Q:  So these people lived in your house for how long?
A:  10 months in total, 8 months with me here and 7 months with Eric here.

#16:
Q:  So at least you got 10 months of rent from them right?
A:  Nope, by law we were not allowed to collect rent from them. 

#17:
Q:  Say what?
A:  Nope, they never gave us a dime.

#18
Q:  Why couldn’t you just put his stuff on the street yourself/hire some thick-necked guy named Vinny to come at him with a baseball bat/let me go over there all drunk and try to intimidate him/turn off his electric/etc?
A:  Well, landlord tenant law is very pro-tenant.  We needed to be perfect landlords and not put a toe out of line until this is over.  If we did anything illegal we are the ones with an asset to lose.  They could have easily turned around and sued us and in the worst case scenario taken away our house.  They had nothing to lose and we had everything to lose.  So we needed to pay their utility bills (since the apt is illegal all the utilities fall under the main house line) and fix any little issue that came up while they were still there.

#19
Q:  Wow that sucks.
A:  Yes it did.  But it’s over now!  Next question…

Other tenants:

#20
Q: Okaaaaay...so...there is the one illegal tenant. What about the other 3?
A: When we bought the place there it was full of tenants.  The legal three all moved out on good terms within the first few months.  So currently I live in apt 2, Eric is in apt 3 and apt 1 is vacant.  We have it set up as a spare apt if we have friends from out of town that want to stay over for a few days for free.

#21
Q: Woah!  Can I stay in your spare apt for free? 
A: Um...maybe...email me. 

#22
Q: Why don’t you just rent it out to someone else to get the cash?
A: Onto the next section…

Renovations:

#23
Q: Oh so you are renovating. Why?
A: Cause the house is 100 years old and has been used for rentals for quite some time. It’s falling apart. It’s on borderline shit-hole status.

#24

Q: Why the hell did you buy a shit hole?
A: The structure of the house is pretty solid for the most part. The majority of the bad stuff is cosmetic and fixable.

#25
Q: Ah, okay. So what are the renovation plans?
A: Well, we are going to dig out the floor of the basement to give us 8 or 9 foot ceilings and then combine the basement, ground floor and first floor into one large triplex for Eric and I.

#26
Q: Wait, who’s Eric?
A: You are killing me here.

#27
Q: Okay, sorry. So what happens to the rest of the floors?
A: The second and third floors will also get some minor renovations and then be rented out.

#28
Q: Why don’t you just take over the whole house?
A: Cause 5 floor is a bit much for just the two of us and plus if we have 2 tenants then their rent can pay the mortgage and we can live for free. Our 3 floor section will be about 2300 square feet plus a private backyard.

#29
Q: Sweet!
A: Woot!

#30
Q: So how is your triplex going to be arranged?
A: The basement will mostly be Eric’s recording studio, along with the utilities, storage, and maybe laundry and/or a treadmill. The ground floor with most likely have a living room, dining area and a kitchen leading back into the yard. We might also create a sun room off the back of the kitchen into the garden. The ground floor will also have a ¾ or full bath. The first floor will have a large master bedroom with private bath and walk in closet. There will also be a small guest bedroom/office for me. This is just my general vision and this is subject to change.

#31
Q: Are you planning this all yourself?
A: No, we have engaged the services of an architect to draw up the plans. He will be working closely with us on the design and facilitating the renovations.

#32
Q: How long do you think the renovations will take?
A: We are planning for a year-long process. If it finishes sooner we can be very pleasantly surprised.

#33
Q: Wow that is a long freakin’ time!
A: Well it’s a complicated process that requires a lot of planning. Plus we want to do it right the first time so this house will last a long time.

#34
Q: So the house will be completely done in a year?
A: Well that is the amount of time we are planning for the renovation of our triplex. Other phases of the renovation will happen later.

#35
Q: How many phases are we talking about?
A: Basically 3. Phase One – Eric and I live in apts 2 and 3 respectively as the basement, ground floor, backyard and first floor are gutted and renovated. During that phase we will also do the façade of the house. Phase Two – Once Eric and I move into our triplex we begin renovated of apt 2 and 3 to fix them up a bit and then rent them out. Phase Three – we build a spiral staircase up to the roof and create a roof deck.

#36
Q: Wow a roofdeck!
A: Yeah, the roof has a sick panoramic view of the east-side Manhattan skyline. We are definitely going to take advantage of that sometime later on down the line. Fourth of July at our place in 2008!

#37
Q: Wait did you say that you and Eric are living in different apartments?
A: Yes I did.

#38
Q: What the hell is up with that?
A: Well each apt is only about 750 square feet and Eric and I have way too much stuff to live in one together. So we each have separate apartments for now but we go in and out of each other’s places all the time. So it’s kinda like an intro to living together. Or like a sitcom. Or like camping. Whichever analogy you prefer.

#39
Q:  You guys are insane!
A:  Yeah.  Duh.  You’re just figuring this out?

#40
Q: How can I get answers to additional questions?
A: That's what the comments are for. Gosh!

Comments

[Jason Saslow]

I like potatos!

[joe willy b]

hey...how did you find the house. you don' t mention that

[Matt Stevens]

I love this blog--both the subject matter and the way you write about it. In the spirit of the Rude FAQ:

#30a: "My general vision?" Uh, what about Eric's general vision? Or has he found the Wisdom of the Ancients and learned to say "Yes, dear?"

#36a: Don't tell me that the killer postcard view at the top of this page is the view from your house.

#39a: So, when you're all done with this, do you plan to do it again? "Flip This House: NYC?"

[~dana]

Hey thanks Matt! Here are your answers:

#30a: Eric general vision is just about the best general vision one can have. He gets to make decisions on the parts of the house that affect him (ie, recording studio), he got to pick the decor for one bathroom while i got the other, and he gets veto power on everything I pick, a power he has executed a few times, but mostly he agress with me. The really great part for Eric is that he doesn't have to pay. So he's got it pretty good.

#36a: Alas, that is not my view. That view probably from a boat on the east river. The Brooklyn bridge is closest, followed by the Manhattan and then the Williamsburg is off in the distance. So we would be towards the back right of that picture. The view from our roof can be seen here:
http://www.danabushman.com/photos/a_view/index.html

#39a: If I had known then what I know now I probably would have never done this. I plan on getting at least 10 years out of this house before leaving. I'm sure we could get a lot if we sold it but the thought of starting again is too painful to think about. Nope, we are here for a while!

[james]

dana-beautiful house! who was the sub that you used for the stair construction? thanks -j